Before being pregnant and even while pregnant, everyone tells you how a baby changes everything. Sure I believed them. I knew life would be different having a little person relying on you to provide every need and there is of course less freedom. However, there are certain aspects I never knew would change. One being, the need of a bigger car. I always said I would never drive a minivan and I didn't really understand why a family with one child needed a SUV/Van. After baby D came along, my understanding has drastically changed. First, our cars were no where big enough for the carseat. We had newer cars; a Toyota Corolla and Hyundai Elantra. When we purchased both, we thought they would be good when we had kids and were expanding the family. We were so, so wrong. The Toyota Corolla fit the carseat the best. But I would still sit pretty close to the steering wheel and the carseat would touch the back of the drivers seat. In the Elantra, the carseat sits on the passenger side. To fit, the passenger seat literally has to be all the way forward and straight up and the carseat still touches the back of the seat. It made being a passenger in the car extremely uncomfortable. Both the husband and I want a large family and there is no way two carseats would work. We then thought about the safety aspect of the carseat literally touching the back of the driver or passenger's chair. If we were in an accident and that seat moved at all, we felt like we would crush D's head. So we ended up with a new SUV.
The other big change was my attitude towards my job in general. Before kids, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy getting out of the house, working, and receiving an income. It makes me feel accomplished. Then came along baby D. I absolutely loved maternity leave and spending every day all day with him. The end of maternity leave was extremely hard. I hate thinking that someone else is spending most of the day with my child and seeing his achievements and his smiles. I really feel like I'm missing out. I really hate dropping baby D off every morning. I would love to stay at home with him all the time and take care of the house. Although, I'm sure the grass is always greener on the other side and eventually I'd want something more. But wouldn't it be something if maternity leave was a year long and we could watch our little babies grow that first year when there is so much growth in such little time? They really don't stay babies long. I've also come to realize that maybe I don't enjoy my job as much as I thought. I met someone during the course of my workday who was so passionate about a venture that she's starting and I could just see that passion in her eyes and how excited she was. It made me sad. I don't feel that sort of passion with what I do. I'd love to have that passion, to walk around with a smile on my face all the time. Instead I feel like a giant stress ball. My job certainly isn't bad and I certainly don't hate it. But there is no passion whatsoever. I really don't know what my passion would be. But I feel like I want to find it. I'd love to maybe have a side "job" or maybe a hobby that was income producing in something I could be excited or passionate about. I feel like my child needs to see what that's like.
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