A Sad Story for the Time Away

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I last wrote.  This has been a trying year to say the least.

  I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 in late January. We were ecstatic.  I was due October 4 of this year.  I had my first appointment with the coordinator in late February which was nothing more than a discussion and blood work.  All of which was normal.  I had the first ultrasound 2 weeks later.  My husband, baby D, and I all went into that little room.  I couldn't see the screen from where I was but I could see the tech's face and my husband's and knew something wasn't right.  The tech mentioned that I was much earlier than I thought I was (I should have been 9 weeks at the time).  I knew there was no way as I knew exactly when my last period was and knew about when I ovulated.  The baby was showing at 6 weeks and had a weak heartbeat.  Another round of blood work was done.  That came back normal.

Two weeks later I went back for another ultrasound.  Husband and baby D couldn't make it as baby D was sick.  It was then I received the worst news I could ever think of, our new baby had passed.  I was now 11 weeks.  I was going through what they call a missed miscarriage.  Meaning, my body still thought it was carrying healthy pregnancy and had not realized that the baby passed.  Thus I still had all the symptoms, my belly was growing, and my beta counts were good.  Luckily I was also scheduled to see my OB that same day as it would have been the appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat.

I had sometime in between appointments so I called husband and let him know what had happened.  I've never felt so alone.  I really wish he could have been there.  I went back in to see my doctor.  I was nervous, would she have just said sorry about your luck?  Would I have to have a d&c?  Thankfully my doctor was really good with the situation.  We discussed everything and she really took the time to make sure I didn't have any additional questions.  She also didn't push a d&c or the medication to induce the miscarriage.  In fact, she really didn't mention them much at all.  I was sent home to miscarry naturally.

The actual miscarriage took almost 2 more weeks.  Lucky for me, it started on a Thursday night and I was working from home that Friday.  The miscarriage took 4 nights to complete.  Unfortunately Friday night I ended up in the ER thanks to too much bleeding.  However, it was found that my body was compensating well and a blood transfusion was not necessary.  Again I was sent home to finish miscarrying.

As part of the plan with my OB, I had weekly blood draws to watch my beta levels drop back to negative.  That took weeks.  I can honestly say I am no longer afraid of getting blood drawn/needles.

The emotional aspect of my miscarriage was something else.  I've been sad, I've been angry, I've questioned everything I did during the pregnancy that could have caused something to go wrong…  It has been a rough roller coaster.

In all honesty, I never knew what a miscarriage was like.  I never thought about the emotional aspect of it.  I really never knew what it was like going through the physical aspect.  I have a new respect for anyone who has gone through one.

If you know anyone who is going through a miscarriage, give them extra hugs.  Please watch what you say around them.  Hearing that maybe baby is better off as it could have been really sick does not help whatsoever.  Remember that the healing process takes weeks.  The pain of the loss never goes away.  It gets easier to deal with in time, but it never goes away.

The Race of The Sippy/Straw Cup…Who Will Win?

Baby D is at the age now to start working with sippy cups and eventually away from the bottle.  We received one sippy cup at our baby shower and I purchased the rest in the last couple of months.  We gave baby D a cup with some water in it at either lunch or dinner for the last month or two and allowed him to choose which cup he likes best (as if he didn't have a choice!).

The Contenders:

First Up: Take and Toss Sippy Cup

This sippy cup is nice as it is inexpensive and comes with 4 cups, 4 lids, and a handle.  The cups are lightweight and come in a variety of colors.  They do not come with a lid and the handles can be a pain to attach to the cup.  The handle snaps onto the lid.  Here's a view with all the pieces:

Cup #2: Take and Toss Straw Cup

Like the Take and Toss Sippy Cup, the straw cup is inexpensive and come 4 to a package.  The straw cups come with 4 cups, 4 lids, 4 straws, and handles.  The cups are just like the sippy in that they are lightweight and come in different colors.  The handles attach the same way the sippy cup does as that it snaps onto the lid which can be a pain.  The straw is a hard plastic straw.  Here are the pieces:

Cup #3: Dr. Brown's Sippy Cup

This cup we received as a gift so I'm not sure of the retail value.  It comes with a hard plastic lid, sippy lid, sippy insert, handles, and cup.  The sippy is a hard spout and has an insert to make it more leak less I suppose.  It also makes it harder to sip through.  For a beginner, I didn't use the insert which made it a basic sippy cup.  The handles just sit on the rim of the cup and move around easily.  The lid is kind of tough to attach.  The was the first and only time I attached the lid was for the picture.  Here are the pieces:

Last, but not least: Zolibot

The Zoli cup I believe is the priciest of the four cups.  It's also probably the heaviest.  It has a sliding lid, handles, weighted silicone straw, and cup.  The handles are attached to the lid.  The straw is also attached.  The straw is really nice as it is soft and bendable so that baby D can hold the cup wherever and be able to drink.  The weighted portion is nice to get the liquid at the bottom.  The pieces are below:

So which cup won?  The Zoli is a winner for my mommy and baby.  Baby D has only drunk out of the Zoli out of all the cups which is great since it's a straw cup and better for his teeth.  Mommy also loves this cup as there are fewer parts and easy to take care of.  

A Sense of Sadness...What No One Tells You

When you're pregnant, everyone around you is excited for the little one's arrival.  You look forward for the day when he or she decides to make their grand entrance.  Once the little one arrives you're on almost a natural high of excitement.  And then a few days later, everything goes crashing down (or at least it did for me).  No one told me just how hard the baby blues are after having a baby.  I was not prepared for what I was about to go through.  I was so excited from becoming a mom and having such a beautiful, healthy little guy right there in front of me.  Then my hormones decided to push me off a cliff for the next 5-6 weeks.  I was a wreck.  I would cry for absolutely no reason.  I would cry just because of the time, because baby D was a day older, because it was cold...it didn't matter.  I'm not saying a few tears, I'm talking full out bawling.  I felt horrible.  It really felt like it would never end.  Finally weeks later, the baby blues starting easing up bit by bit.

 I know this period is a bit different for each person, and probably each new baby, but there should be a discussion about this.  It wasn't mentioned during any baby classes, no one around me told me how bad it would be, nothing.  Not even anyone at the hospital mentioned this would be coming when I was being discharged.  My poor husband didn't know what to do.  I did make it through.  My doctor at my postpartum checkup told me to get out and take walks with baby D when the weather allowed.  That did help.

Going forward, I wish there was more discussion about this period and ways to cope.  There should be a support group for just baby blues.  Hopefully with the next little kiddo that comes, the baby blues will stay away, or at least make a minimal appearance.

Pressures on Being A New Mom

From the time I was pregnant, I began researching everything I could so that I could make the best decisions for the little baby growing inside of me and for myself as well.  I read websites, posted on message boards, and spoke with friends, family, and coworkers.  During this research period (pre-birth), I decided I wanted a "natural" birth (ie vaginal birth) and wanted to breastfeed.  I was normally a thin person so I (naively) thought I would spring back to my old self in no time after giving birth.  I never knew what a person actually looked like after giving birth.  I never felt any pressure while I was pregnant from anyone on the choices I was making.

Once I was in labor, disaster struck.  What I set out wanting went out the window with conditions beyond my control.  I did not end up with the birth that I thought I would have.  I ended up having to be induced as my little one did not want to come out.  I labored for many hours before it was decided that a c-section was necessary.  Little baby D was not in the right position.  He was head down, but he couldn't get his head where it needed to be.  I was a mess as the last thing I wanted was surgery.  I feel like nowadays, c-sections are so looked down upon as if I didn't really give birth or that it was the easy way out.  I was even told by a family member days after giving birth that I didn't actually give birth as I didn't push him out.  I was horrified.  I can tell you, a c-section is not  an easy birth.  I was extremely uncomfortable and sick during it that I couldn't even keep my eyes open to stare at my husband holding our little guy.  The recovery from it was twice as bad.  I had complications and it took over a month (at least 6 weeks) where I was comfortable enough to actually walk through the grocery store.  I'm not less of a mom because I was unable to have the so called natural birth.  I now have a beautiful scar across my stretch marked belly that is a constant reminder of a miraculous day.

Pressure number 2 was breast feeding.  The hospital lactation consultants were degrading to say the least.  Completely unhelpful.  I was pretty much told that I could try breast feeding if I want but it would probably never work.  This was less than 24 hours after giving birth and all due to breast size.  Where these consultants received their training is beyond me, but from everything I've read, breast size has nothing to do with being able to breast feed.  Luckily I visited message boards online and one such one was a breast feeding board.  Many mamas on there discussed seeing lactation consultants and I remembered during pregnancy that a coworker of mine mentioned that his wife who had just given birth had visited one who fixed their issue.  I decided to visit that same office that my coworker's wife had gone to which was through a different hospital than I delivered.  The consultant I worked with was amazing, but to my avail, I was never able to exclusively breastfeed.  I do still however breastfeed and supplement with formula.  When I returned to work from maternity leave, I could herar it in my coworkers' voices that they were judging me because I was unable to exclusively breastfeed.  I was asked many times if I had seen a lactation consultant and if I really had tried everything.  My breastfeeding journey is a story for another day, but I really did try all that I could.

And the last pressure is weight.  Why our society puts so much pressure on weight of new moms is beyond me.  I also could not believe the things other women/moms have said to me in regards to my weight post pregnancy.  How sad is it when we can't even support one another?  A family member told me when I was around 7-9 weeks postpartum that obviously I'm bigger than I used to be.  I bit my tongue but it still hurt.  I just had a baby 2 months prior and you're judging me on my body already?  Even worse, I saw a coworker last month whom I hadn't seen since I gave birth who asked if I was pregnant.  I responded that I was not but did give birth earlier this year.  She looked at me again and told me I needed to work on the sit-ups.  I was stunned.  I explained, I'm guessing that I did not know what else to say, that I had a baby months prior and was huge before giving birth.  I do have very stretched out skin to say the least.  At the time, I was only 8-10 lbs above pre-pregnancy weight.

As mamas, we need to support one another.  We should not judge on the birth experience of one mama versus another.  We should not judge on if a baby is exclusively breastfed or formula fed.  We should certainly not judge a mother on how fast she loses her baby weight.

Homemade Baby Food

Have you ever looked at the ingredients of baby food?  Many are filled with fillers and ingredients that I couldn't even begin to pronounce.  The price of each jar would add up fast.  That's why I decided I was going to make homemade baby food when I was pregnant.  Now that I'm actually doing it, it's so easy.  I also get a since of satisfaction that I know what I'm feeding baby D.

To make your own baby food, you don't need to buy any of the marketed baby food makers.  You can use what you already have in your kitchen such as a steamer, blender, food processor, etc.  The only apparatus we purchased were containers to freeze the food once made and be able to take on the go or to daycare.  We love these containers by oxo:

These containers hold up well and are easy to clean.  It also comes in a nice stackable container so that you can stack many on top of one another.  They come in 2 oz and 4 oz sizes.  I like the 4 oz size as it will grow with baby D.  I like to make a few weeks worth of food at one time so baby D normally has his own shelf in our freezer with these containers stacked up. 

To actually make the baby purees, all you need to do (depending on the food) is mash, steam, boil, or bake.  I like using Wholesome Baby Food for recipes.  This website has detailed info on how to make each food and recipes on adding seasonings or combining different foods together.  The website also has a nice printable list on which foods to feed your baby depending on baby's age.  To actually puree, we have a Ninja chopper which works really well.

Making homemade baby food has also made me try new foods.  I never had mangoes before until I was cutting one up to make for baby D.  It's quite delicious!

Cloth Diapering

I'm always looking for new ways to save money.  As such, I was reviewing ways to save money with baby D.  I decided to start researching cloth diapering.  While I was pregnant, I asked the hubs if he would ever want to cloth diaper.  He said absolutely not and I was fine with that.  Now I'm intrigued.  I have a coworker who cloth diapers and he said it works well for them and its inexpensive.  Once I started researching though, I was overwhelmed.  There are so many different styles or methods to cloth diapering and different steps to take just to correctly lauder the diapers.  Let alone all the different brands...but then again I love researching and I was not about to give up.  I decided on doing pocket diapers as it was close to disposables but we could change the absorbency.  This was important as baby D keeps peeing through his disposable diapers at night.  But what brand to choose?  And would the hubs get on board?

After researching more on pocket diapers, it seems like the bumgenius 4.0 diapers are popular and well liked.  I ordered a couple to try and anxiously awaited the shipment.

In the mean time I had to get the hubs on board.  To do this, I just talked his ear off and hoped that once he saw how it easy it was, that he too would like to cloth diaper.  But then the shipment of those cute pocket diapers were taking forever and baby D was still peeing through his diapers at night.  Then while I was at Target I found this:

A Charlie Banana pocket diaper.  This is one that is not talked about much online but I was dying to try a cloth diaper so I purchased it.  I brought it home, washed as directed, and waited for bedtime to try it out.  That night was miraculous!  It worked!

In another post I'll update on which diaper I like better, how cloth diapering is going, and if the hubs will ever get on board.

4 Months!

Baby D has hit the 4 month mark!  And he did so with a vengeance!  He now weighs in at 11 lbs 10 ounces and 24.75 inches.  Yes, he's an adorable skinny baby.  In the week to week and a half leading up to the big 4 month mark, Baby D learned to laugh, roll from belly to back, and found his feet.  I can't believe my little guy is 1/3 of the way to being a year old.  How time flies!