From the time I was pregnant, I began researching everything I could so that I could make the best decisions for the little baby growing inside of me and for myself as well. I read websites, posted on message boards, and spoke with friends, family, and coworkers. During this research period (pre-birth), I decided I wanted a "natural" birth (ie vaginal birth) and wanted to breastfeed. I was normally a thin person so I (naively) thought I would spring back to my old self in no time after giving birth. I never knew what a person actually looked like after giving birth. I never felt any pressure while I was pregnant from anyone on the choices I was making.
Once I was in labor, disaster struck. What I set out wanting went out the window with conditions beyond my control. I did not end up with the birth that I thought I would have. I ended up having to be induced as my little one did not want to come out. I labored for many hours before it was decided that a c-section was necessary. Little baby D was not in the right position. He was head down, but he couldn't get his head where it needed to be. I was a mess as the last thing I wanted was surgery. I feel like nowadays, c-sections are so looked down upon as if I didn't really give birth or that it was the easy way out. I was even told by a family member days after giving birth that I didn't actually give birth as I didn't push him out. I was horrified. I can tell you, a c-section is not an easy birth. I was extremely uncomfortable and sick during it that I couldn't even keep my eyes open to stare at my husband holding our little guy. The recovery from it was twice as bad. I had complications and it took over a month (at least 6 weeks) where I was comfortable enough to actually walk through the grocery store. I'm not less of a mom because I was unable to have the so called natural birth. I now have a beautiful scar across my stretch marked belly that is a constant reminder of a miraculous day.
Pressure number 2 was breast feeding. The hospital lactation consultants were degrading to say the least. Completely unhelpful. I was pretty much told that I could try breast feeding if I want but it would probably never work. This was less than 24 hours after giving birth and all due to breast size. Where these consultants received their training is beyond me, but from everything I've read, breast size has nothing to do with being able to breast feed. Luckily I visited message boards online and one such one was a breast feeding board. Many mamas on there discussed seeing lactation consultants and I remembered during pregnancy that a coworker of mine mentioned that his wife who had just given birth had visited one who fixed their issue. I decided to visit that same office that my coworker's wife had gone to which was through a different hospital than I delivered. The consultant I worked with was amazing, but to my avail, I was never able to exclusively breastfeed. I do still however breastfeed and supplement with formula. When I returned to work from maternity leave, I could herar it in my coworkers' voices that they were judging me because I was unable to exclusively breastfeed. I was asked many times if I had seen a lactation consultant and if I really had tried everything. My breastfeeding journey is a story for another day, but I really did try all that I could.
And the last pressure is weight. Why our society puts so much pressure on weight of new moms is beyond me. I also could not believe the things other women/moms have said to me in regards to my weight post pregnancy. How sad is it when we can't even support one another? A family member told me when I was around 7-9 weeks postpartum that obviously I'm bigger than I used to be. I bit my tongue but it still hurt. I just had a baby 2 months prior and you're judging me on my body already? Even worse, I saw a coworker last month whom I hadn't seen since I gave birth who asked if I was pregnant. I responded that I was not but did give birth earlier this year. She looked at me again and told me I needed to work on the sit-ups. I was stunned. I explained, I'm guessing that I did not know what else to say, that I had a baby months prior and was huge before giving birth. I do have very stretched out skin to say the least. At the time, I was only 8-10 lbs above pre-pregnancy weight.
As mamas, we need to support one another. We should not judge on the birth experience of one mama versus another. We should not judge on if a baby is exclusively breastfed or formula fed. We should certainly not judge a mother on how fast she loses her baby weight.
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